Text: Luke 16:18
Date: February 9, 2025

Introduction

Opening Language: Today, we continue through the gospel of Luke, and we come to a very important passage, where Jesus teach on the topic of marriage and divorce. This is a vital area of theology for Christians to understand for two reasons. First, marriage is a beautiful gift from God, that most in this room will experience in their life. Christians have the corner on marriage, because we have the instructions and the plan from the one who created and designed marriage in the first place. The second reason this is important is because over the last year, in this church, so many marriages have hit major challenges. In fact it has been a pattern in such a way that I really believe the devil has targeted us, and is attacking our marriages. It’s one of the reasons we brought on additional support to care for and invest in our marriages. There is a lot of weary hearts in this room today on this topic.

Context: And so, here is my aim. I want to pastor you today through the faithful preaching of God’s Word. We’re going to dissect Jesus teaching, and place it within the larger framework of the entire counsel of God. And I am going to do what I can to set a marvelous vision of all that healthy marriage can be, and at the same time deeply minister to many weary souls who need the comfort of our savior.

Text: Today’s text is one simple verse from Jesus. But in that verse we will be able to pull out, four principles to help frame our full theology of marriage.

Luke 16:18 ESV “Everyone who divorces his wife and marries another commits adultery, and he who marries a woman divorced from her husband commits adultery.

Meaning & Application

I MARRIAGE IS GOD’S DESIGN

First, marriage is God’s design, and therefore we are not free to redefine it or redesign it as we please.

The Context (Pharisees): In our passage today, Jesus speaks on marriage. The context for his words begin back in verse 14 where he is having a discussion with the Pharisees. Among the Pharisees of Jesus’ day there were two major schools of thought when it came to marriage. On the one hand you had those who followed the teachings of Rabbi Hillel, a leading rabbi of the day, and on the other side you had those who followed Rabbi Shammai. And between these two men there was a great debate about marriage. And it had to do with a little verse in the Old Testament.

Deuteronomy 24:1 ESV “When a man takes a wife and marries her, if then she finds no favor in his eyes because he has found some indecency in her, and he writes her a certificate of divorce and puts it in her hand and sends her out of his house, and she departs out of his house,

Hillel took incredible liberty in interpreting that word “indecency.” Meaning, he believed that God intended for men to have the legal right to a divorce on demand for any reason. He famously argued that a man could divorce his wife for burning his supper. Rabbi Shammai on the other hand was much more conservative. He believed that that word “indecency” had a very particular meaning and pertained only to “sexual unchastity.” That’s the context and the debate on this topic that Jesus is speaking into when he says these words.

Jesus Sides With Shammai: And of course, on this topic—marriage—Jesus sides with Shammai. He says that a man is not free to divorce his wife for any reason. But in fact, he commits adultery—that is the seventh of the ten commandments—if he divorces his wife and marries another. Where does Jesus get the authority to step into a debate about Scripture and the purpose of marriage, and definitely lay the law down. Well he has that authority, because Jesus—as God in the Flesh—is the one who designed and defined marriage.

Marriage Goes Back to Genesis: Marriage is not man’s creation. As much as modern sociology wants to explain human matrimony as some form of evolutionary protection, they are wrong. Marriage was designed by God in the Garden. After God had created every creature, and placed Adam in the center of the garden, he looked down and said,

Genesis 2:18 ESV Then the Lord God said, “It is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him a helper fit for him.”

Then God created Eve, out of Adam’s rib. Adam was overjoyed with his new wife. The first thing he did was he wrote a love poem recorded in Genesis 2:23, and then we read

Genesis 2:24 ESV Therefore a man shall leave his father and his mother and hold fast to his wife, and they shall become one flesh.

God’s Design (Man & Woman): Right there, we have the first marriage between Adam and Eve. We notice that it was between a man and a woman intentionally. Eve called Adam’s helper, and we are told in the Scriptures that she was a helper “fit for him.” In other words, God’s design was for marriage to be between one and one woman so that their complementary natures would serve one another and provide the balance a family needs.

God’s Design (Infidelity the Bounds): Further, in the law given to Moses, we see that the proper reason for divorce was infidelity, and that’s it. God created the purpose for marriage, and then he created the bounds by which marriage could be annulled, infidelity. So, Hillel’s effort to give permission to divorce a spouse for any reason, was a deep attack on God himself, because God is the one who designed marriage.

Our Culture: Well, it goes without saying that culture around us has attempted to redesign marriage according to their own beliefs. There are two major ways that has occurred. First is with the passing no-fault divorce laws which essentially permitted a spouse pick up where Rabbi Hillel left off, and file for divorce for any reason in any state.

When Can Marriage End (Bounds): 2024 statistics in the US is that there is one divorce every 30 seconds, which is about 45% of all first marriages will end in divorce. The two reasons are “lack of commitment (73%)” and “constant arguing (55%).” Again, this point is simply to say that we are not free to redefine marriage, it’s God’s design.

Who Can Marry (Design): The second way our culture has tried to redefine marriage is by changing who can marry one another. God designed and defined between one man and woman because men and women complement each other. Today our culture has pushed the idea that a person can marry somebody of the same sex. And in the eyes of God, that’s impossible. There is no such thing as Gay Marriage, it’s an impossibility.

Review: And so our first pillar today as we look at this passage and reflect on marriage, is that God has designed and defined marriage. And as Christians we want to take this vital institution and make sure that we take all of our queues and all of our thoughts from the designer himself.

II MARRIAGE IS MORE THAN A CONTRACT

Second, I want us to see from this text that marriage is more than a contract. It is a covenant. This language of the covenantal nature of marriage is very biblical. Perhaps the verse that most directly spells this out is Malachi 2:14 which reads

Malachi 2:14 ESV But you say, “Why does he not?” Because the Lord was witness between you and the wife of your youth, to whom you have been faithless, though she is your companion and your wife by covenant.

There is that word, covenant. It is very important word among the people of God. A covenant is something far more precious and more profound than a contract. We see in this our passage today.

The Passage: Luke tells us that this relationship that we call. Specifically two instructions are provided in this one little verse. To the one who gets divorced, and then marries another, guilty of adultery (the seventh of the ten commandments). The same principle, only from the other end, to the man who marries a divorced woman, you are also guilty of adultery. In order for those statements to be true, it means that the bonds of marriage are much fiercer than we tend to believe. What Jesus is saying here is that if you divorce your spouse, without biblical grounds, and marry another person, you are committing adultery. Why? Because even if you get divorced in the eyes of the state, you are still married in the eyes of God. Therefore, in joining together with another spouse, you are committing adultery against the person you’re still married to.

The Bond is Covenantal: In order for that logic to hold up, it means that marriage is something far more than a contract that can be broken by going to the local courthouse. And in fact, in Scripture, we see that marriage is a covenant, a very important biblical word. The word “Covenant” appears over 300 times in the Bible. It is a critical word. The word describes a number of different types of profound relationships throughout scripture.

Most Often with God: But the vast majority of the time that the word “covenant” is used in the Scriptures, it is used to speak about God’s relationship with us.

Covenantal Trinity: God is a God of covenant. The Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit, three persons in one God, have co-existed throughout all eternity in a perfect covenantal bond fill with love. Before there was time or space or matter, there was the Trinity in covenantal perfection.

Covenantal Man: Then God made man in his image, and he made us as covenantal creatures. That means that we don’t just long for relationships as humans, but we were created to exist in the context of covenant. It’s in our nature. We are covenant creatures. Particularly, the chief covenant that we were made for, was covenant relationship of God, to know God intimately in relationship. What Adam and Eve experienced in the Garden with God, where they knew God intimately, walked with him, enjoyed him, experienced him, and experienced all of creation in light of him.

Marriage Covenant as Spotlight: When God established marriage as covenant between Adam and Eve, he intended for that marriage covenant to point towards the greater covenant of God and His people, specifically as Christians to Christ and His Church. In other words, every marriage is a covenant, that is designed to function as a spotlight upon the great covenant of God and his people. So, if we want to know how marriages are supposed to function as a covenant, we should look to that greater covenant, understand, and then apply those same principles into our marriages.

Christ’s Covenant to Us: So, lets examine Christ’s covenant to us, and then draw some parallels to marriage. I’ll draw out five important characteristics of Christ’s covenant with us.

He Pursued Us: Christ’s covenant with us is possible because He pursued us. We were wayward, we were stuck in sin. But Christ came to us. The second person of the Trinity entered into the human story. He moved towards us. If Christian marriage is aiming to spotlight Christ, spouses move towards each other. Even when the other spouse is wrong in some way, there is a constant moving towards, a constant pursuit.

He Served Us: Secondly, in our covenant with God through Christ, Christ served us. Remember how Christ washed his disciple’s feet. He took the lowest job that was reserved for lowly servants. In marriage, a man and a woman, attempt to shine a spotlight on our Covenant through Christ by serving each other constantly. In little ways and great ways. It is a beautiful thing to tell your spouse you love them. It’s also a beautiful thing to day in, day out, be like Christ in your spouse’s life. To find a way to serve them. To be inconvenienced in order to bless them through your service.

He Sacrificed For Us: In Christ’s covenant with us, Christ sacrificed himself on the cross in order to pay our debt. He died, in order that we might live. He was tortured in order that we might be blessed. If we are to shine a spotlight on that aspect of Christ’s covenant with us, we must go beyond serving our spouses. We should sacrifice for our spouse. There are decisions in life that you might choose otherwise all on your own, but because God has given you a spouse to sacrifice for, you choose the sacrificial path. You die to your own desires, your wants, your own needs, in order to pour out blessing on your spouse.

He Seals Us: In Christ’s covenant with us, he seals us with the Holy Spirit. This seal is an eternal bond. Through faith in Christ you are grafted into Christ’s family. You cannot become ungrafted. In other words, the covenant is binding. If our marriages are to shine a spotlight on Christ’s covenant, they are to be binding. Divorce is not an option for two believers. Through hard times, and difficult arguments, and unexpected challenges, the marriage is sealed. We cannot treat marriage like a contract, that can be broken at our will. Covenants are sealed, not signed.

Keeps No Record of Wrong: In Christ’s covenant with us, he keeps no record of wrong. He commits himself to us, despite our sin, and does not tally our sin up, and give us a score on our performance. If our earthly marriages are to shine a spotlight on that great covenant of Christ to his Church, we cannot keep records of wrong. There is no tally how much one spouse has served another, how many mistakes one spouse has made verses another. Christs’s mercy’s are new every morning, and our marriages likewise are renewed. The debts are washed away in forgiveness and love and grace.

Review: Marriage is a covenant. It cannot be easily broken.

III MARRIAGE BONDS ARE UNCONDITIONAL

The third major principle is that, as a covenant, marriage bonds are unconditional. Look again at this passage and we see that Jesus gives no exceptions for divorce. Here in this verse, Jesus essentially says that no matter how bad it gets, there is no out. In other words, the vows you make to another person in marriage are unconditional. This is why most wedding vows read something like as follows

As I marry you, I am making a lifelong commitment, to know and love God, and to know and love you. I take you to be my wife, to have and to hold from this day forward, for better for worse, for richer for poorer, in sickness and in health, to love and to cherish, until we are parted by death. This is my commitment to God and to you.

Two Exceptions: Now before I show you the beauty of this, I want to make sure I’m very clear. Taking the whole of scripture together, we see that there are two “exceptions” to the unconditionality of marriage. The first is in the case of Adultery. This teaching is taken from Matthew 5:32 where Jesus is teaching on divorce and he says.

Matthew 5:32 ESV But I say to you that everyone who divorces his wife, except on the ground of sexual immorality, makes her commit adultery, and whoever marries a divorced woman commits adultery.

What this means is that one of the biblical grounds for divorce is adultery. The second biblical ground is a bit more complicated and it involves absolute desertion. This is taken from 1 Corinthians 7:15 where the Apostle Paul teaches that if a believer is married to an unbeliever, and the unbelieving partner divorces that believing partner,

1 Corinthians 7:15 ESV But if the unbelieving partner separates, let it be so. In such cases the brother or sister is not enslaved. God has called you to peace.

The general idea here, is that the believer has fought for and done everything possible to maintain the marriage bonds. They have done their part to uphold the sacredness of marriage. But the other spouse has abandoned them to such a degree that we must assume that the other person is an unbeliever and therefore reconciliation is impossible. Well they are free. They are not bound to that marriage.

The Question: Throughout history, folks have wrestled, that if earthly marriage is supposed to shine a spotlight on Christ’s relationship to the Church, then why give any grounds for divorce at all. Christ will never divorce us. My response to that is two-fold.

Possible But Rare: First, these grounds for divorce are expected to be rare among Christians, and deeply wrestled through with pastors and other wise counselors. The grounds are not simple means to run through.

Grace: But secondly, having walked with many folks who have experienced all kinds of trauma, and grief, and backstabbing, and abandonment, and adultery in marriage. I think these two grounds in the New Testament, are actually forms of grace. What do you do if you thought you married a Christian, and then a few years in the man you thought you knew turns out to be a serial adulterer who abandons you, wants nothing to do with you. I think Christ, in his wisdom, has granted grace in sinful situations like that, while at the same time magnifying the importance of marriage.

Back to Unconditionality: Outside of those two circumstances, divorce is off the table for Christians. There is no sense of “Well I will if you will” or “so long as you hold up your end of the bargain” in marriage. This is massive!!! And it has the Gospel of Jesus written all over it! Remember how I said that marriage is supposed shine a spotlight on the gospel. This is one of the key ways it does that. Let me show two aspects of the Gospel.

Security: The expectation of unconditionality in marriage creates an environment of trust and security for both partners. Trust and security is the soil upon which the flowers of healthy marriage bloom. A conditional marriage says “There could come a point where I change enough, or you change enough, or you do that thing that annoys me enough, that we just look at each other and say “we’re incompatible.” Under those conditions, you are never secure. Your whole relationship hinges on performing consistently. Even the best days are spotted by the insecurity of a works based relationship. But a grace based relationship, a covenant that is unconditional, creates security, safety to fail, with the knowledge that the other person is not going anywhere.

Honesty: This security, in turn fosters the second aspect, which is honesty. You see it is only in an unconditional relationship that real honesty can occur. In a conditional relationship, if I’ve done something that I fear will cost me in the marriage, I will choose to keep it quiet. What a a miserable existence that would be, to far being honest with your spouse. Unconditionality, the basis that this marriage covenant is not broken when you fail nor strengthened you succeed. It’s a sealed covenant, that creates real honesty.

Review: Biblical marriage is unconditional. While the world around us celebrates divorce as an expected commodity, Christian marriage is to flourish in the covenantal grounds of unconditionality.

IV MARRIAGE IS ROOTED & FOSTERED IN SELFLESS LOVE

Fourth and finally, marriage is rooted and fostered in selfless love. This passage speaks about the boundaries on marriage. It speaks about the limitation of divorce. And one of the reasons why the Christian vision of marriage makes very little room for divorce, is because the Christian vision of marriage, founded in the Covenant of Christ, is rooted and fostered in love.

Healthy Marriage: Marriage is designed as that chief human relationship where love and joy is to be fostered. A healthy marriage is a blessing. A healthy marriage is something you run home to. A healthy marriage is life-giving and breathtaking. Jesus Christ in the New Covenant calls us friend. And truly our covenant of marriage as it shines a spotlight on Christ, should be a deep and loving, intimate friendship. And its not just any kind of love. Christian marriage is built on Christ-love, on selfless love. It’s built on a selfless love that reflects the selfless love of Christ.

The Selfless Love of Christ: And therefore, there is something about Christian marriages that has a power and strength available to it, that no other marriage has. Two people, filled by the Spirit, saved by the very same grace, experiencing the very same day to day love of Christ, the very same sermons week in and week out. Those two people, no matter deep the problems get, have the grace of the Gospel, the assistance of the Holy Spirit, and the power of the resurrected Christ at their disposal. This is why this passage has such bold things to say about divorce, because the tools for reconciliation between two Christians are overwhelming.

When You Hit Problems: And so permit me to get a little practical here. Many marriage hit problems. And I’m not just talking about disagreements. Even in this room today, there are a number of marriages that are in very difficult seasons. Those season can range from frustration with each other, to anger towards each other, towards being on the verge of giving up on each other. What do two Christians, who are married to each other do when they hit that situation.

God & His Word: Chiefly, we look to God and His Word. Whenever something like a marriage covenant begins to falter, Christians recognize that means something is off in own relationship with God. It might be one spouse thats majority the issue, or it might be shared across both spouses, but before its a spouse issue its a Lordship issue. So, two Christians, committed to each other, turn to the Word and turn to God. We want our relationship to God, and our comprehension and digestion of His Word, to be the fuel that empowers our marriage.

The Forgiveness Principle: Second, as Christ followers, we remember the forgiveness principle. The disciples asked Jesus how many times they should forgive the wrongdoer, seven times they asked. Jesus replied, seventy seven times. And that’s Christ’s way of saying, don’t stop forgiving. Christ can say that to us, because Christ never stops forgiving us. His love is infinitely perfect. Our ongoing sins are fully immersed in an ocean of His love. As people, this takes great work to do. It takes a real union with Christ. But when you hit a hard season, it is very important that we remember the keys of forgiveness that Christ has given us. Forgiveness does not mean license to abuse. The abuser does not get to abuse, and the just offers up forgiveness. No, that’s not it. Where there is repentance, meaningful reflection, true apology, we forgive and we forgive and we forgive. Because we have been shown that same forgiveness.

Prayer & Promises: Third and finally, is what I refer to as the Hope Principle. I’ve seen this happen from to time, where a marriage gets so salty that one or the other spouse begins to give up hope, and a dreariness can wash over the relationship that makes things exponentially harder. And as Christians, we have a unique way of enduring challenges. There are two keys: Prayer and Promises. We lean into God in prayer. We pour our hearts to God in prayer and we really believe that He is a God who responds, who has good plans for us. And we cling onto his promises.Psalm 34:18 ESV

The Lord is near to the brokenhearted and saves the crushed in spirit

This is where you have to know the Word. We don’t abuse the promises by falsely believing that God is going to magically whisk away our problems. But we allow the promises of God to become anchors for our soul as we endure the storm. We write this promises out, and pray them until we believe them. And what happens as we do that, is God’s Word shapes our heart and mind more than our circumstances shape our heart and mind. This is vital. Our circumstances do not define what is true, God’s Word defines what is true. This builds a hopefulness.

4. The Spotlight Principle: We remember the spotlight principle. Nobody ever looks at the spotlight. You look at what the spotlight is pointing towards, you look at what the spotlight is shining a light on. This is why Christian marriage is so full of hope even when all seems lost. Because you’re shining on Christ. And you shine that light up on that cross at Calgary, and you gaze deep on the wounds of our Savior. You see the blood that was spilled. You see your own sin upon his shoulders. And you remember that God has invited you, no matter your circumstance, to swim in an ocean of grace. The call on your life is one of immeasurable love, not from our spouse for they could never provide that, but from Christ. No matter the circumstance, you keep the spotlight shined up on him. Even if the worst comes to pass, the spotlight is fixed on Christ.

Closing

Let’s review. First, marriage is God’s design, and we are not free to redesign it as we please. Second, marriage is a covenant, not a contract. And it is a covenant that is to shine a spotlight on the covenant of Christ and his church. Third, marriage bonds are unconditional. That unconditionality is the soil that produces the fruit of security and honesty. Fourth, marriage is rooted and fostered in selfless love.